Short Story: The Burning

15 09 2008

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I’ve decided to post the first short story to get the balls rolling and have other join in.
Tell me what you think. This is posted both here, and in the Writers Workshop page.
Enjoy!

The Burning
by Waz

Fairy Tale: [Snow White]
In the style of: [Stephen King]

All I remember is that I’d fainted, and then woke up and it was all dark. I kept yelling, and screaming, but nobody heard me, nobody helped. I didn’t even know where I was, and got scared. I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come out. I was frozen in fear and dread.

Then I heard them. The voices. Although they were muffled, I could tell that they were talking about me. If they were this close to me, why wouldn’t they try to help? Couldn’t they hear my screams?

Continue reading please… πŸ™‚

I tried to make sense of it all, and a chill ran down my spine. I hadn’t even noticed the cold until then. It was as if I was laying down on a cool metal slab. And suddenly I heard my my mother, sobbing. Her sobs slowly but surely escalated to hysterical cries as her voice got closer and close. Then I heard Julian, my husband, warren, my brother, and Helen, my sister all crying. It was as if they were mourning.

What would cause my whole family to cry that way? What would bring such sadness those cheerful voices that I remember so vividly? But more importantly, why couldn’t they hear my cries for help?

I heard a small door open right above my head, and something started pulling the metal slab with me on it. I tried moving but couldn’t. I was to afraid to do anything. It was still dark. Then someone started unzipping the darkness away, and I could see them. I could see them all. My mom, Julian, Warren, Helen, and that strange pale man next to them. I wanted to jump up and hug my family, thanking them for rescuing me, but I couldn’t.

What was wrong with me? Was I paralyzed? Why wasn’t I able to movie?

Then I heard the man mention something about cremation to my mother, and suddenly, it all sank in. I wasn’t able to move, or speak, or cry because I was dead. IΒ  was a corpse only laying there – a quite observer.

I could see the tears rolling down my mothers face as she clutched to my brothers arm, walking away from me now. I wanted to scream and tell them to come back, but I know that my efforts were useless.

Then my body was carried from the slab and onto a rolling bed. I knew what was coming, but tried not to focus on it too much. Panicking wouldn’t do me any good now. I focused on the image of our family portrait in my mind. My mother with her tilted little smile, my brother fidgeting in hi suit, my sister secretly playing with her blackberry, and my dear husband flashing his ever so sweet smile.

The rolling bed stopped abruptly. My time was nearly up. Why hadn’t I died yet? Why hadn’t I stopped feeling, seeing, and hearing? Why hadn’t my life ended already?

The panic started to slowly creep in. I was hyperventilating but my body didn’t even nudge. I was completely motionless. Then two young men lifted the top of the rolling bed, and placed it on what seemed to be two parallel steel bars. A door was marked “HOT- KEEP AWAY” was stamped in black right on the door between the bars. The man next to me motioned something to the other one, who instinctively walked over to open that door.

I felt the flames under my feet. My body slowly started getting warmer. I prayed to God to take my soul and spare me from this inevitable suffering. But my prayers went unanswered as I was pushed into the boiling hot crematorium and had the door shut behind me. The fire engulfed my body instantly. I felt every inch of my body burn. I screamed in agony but my voice went unheard. My skin blistered, bubbled, and burned to a crisp in less than twenty minutes. But those twenty minutes felt more like twenty lifetimes.

The last thing I remember was hearing my mother whispering “I love you” as she scattered my ashes by the pier. And I suddenly realized, that as of this moment, I would exist only in my family’s bittersweet memories.

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8 responses

15 09 2008
Amarantine

I LOVE IT!

15 09 2008
amethystos

I like the idea, but next time, edit before you post πŸ˜›

15 09 2008
archer612

Amarantine
Thank you very much! But like Amethyst said, it requires a lot of editing. πŸ™‚

Amethyst
lol, yeah I know. a LOT of editing. πŸ˜›
I just wanted to get things started.
Yallah.. your turn!

15 09 2008
Hanan

This is a good start. Keep working at it. Have you read The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold? Check it out if you have the time. I think they hold it at Jarir.

15 09 2008
archer612

Thanks Dr. H πŸ™‚
Will do.
I do have that book, but haven’t gotten around to reading it yet. Will do inshallah. πŸ™‚

I’m actually reading Breaking Dawn now, and it’s such a downer! 😦
It seems more like fan-fiction to me :/

15 09 2008
Aurous

Great story πŸ™‚
and a little scary too ;p

16 09 2008
lone.rangeress.63

and may god ease Julian, Warren, and Helen’s pain….;p

good stuff archer, good stuff.

16 09 2008
archer612

Aurorus
Thanks πŸ™‚
Yup, that’s the point of this Task. Come on, someone submit something. Pick a fairy tale or nursery rhyme, and rewrite it into a short story based on your favorite authors style. πŸ™‚

Lone.Rangeress.63
Amen…

lol, thanks. It requires a lot of editing though.. πŸ™‚

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